Chaos

I have nowhere to start. My feet is off the ground.

I have swirling fears and questions - about this life. In a matter of seconds, I realized that I must revolve my focus on things most important to me. Focused on promises I let loose to people who I indebted my happiness with. But, anxious and alarmed by the fact that I must be - self-sustained. And, spirit the should be shining from within without dependence on the people around me.

I had no regrets whatsoever about the coarse of life I am embarking with. Only weary; only tired; only unproductive. I missed a prayerful life with which no circumstances is a test. Where everything is revealed unto the straight of my own happiness. Everyday is a test, with which every questions I must succumb shares a taste of failures which are foreseen but never must give a chance of a retake.

I have longed for comfort of absolute understanding. At peace with my demons which never been always possible to console my soul. It's a never ending battle for me. A struggle which only I can understand. Only I can forgive. Only I can abuse.

Now this is a dump of myself. Which has robbed me the appetite of sleep. An encrypted thought which only people dear to me might understand.